[03 Dec 2007|06:37pm] Ahh I must continue my last note. So much has happened since then. I'm gonna start from where I left off though, just to be complete. So I went to Joanne's funeral that Thursday. It was even harder then I had imagined. I was actually doing ok until I saw Emmy and gave her a hug. She's so young, she doesn't understand, all she knows is that her grandmother is gone. It nearly broke my heart, it really did. And seeing Les too, it was all just incredibly hard. To make matters even worse, when my mom came to pick me up for that funeral, she told me she had some news for me. The look on her face told me that it wasn't good news. She then proceded to tell me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was in shock. I didn't know what to say or what to think. I was scared, and honestly didn't know how to react. Luckily, it is only stage 1, and the prognosis is good, but its still really scary. I was kinda in a daze for a bit after that. Everything was just going wrong in my life and I didn't know what to do about it. So much had happened, and so much was happening, that I just felt lost, confused, and sorta depressed. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, I was just going through the motions of everyday stuff. It had always been tradition to go to UNE for people's birthdays and such, but due to alot of different circumstances, I didn't make it there for Gregg's birthday. I felt really bad about it, and then proceded to im him and apologize and talk to him and such. We started talking alot, as in like for hours a night. He always had this incredible way of making me feel better, and just making things better in general. That following Monday, I decided to go to UNE for the first time since Chris and I broke up. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I was over Chris, and that I could deal with/get past the awkwardness. Not to mention the fact that I did want to see Gregg. It was incredibly awkward at first, but things did get alot better. I spent time with Gregg, and it was great. When I got back to USM that night, we talked online for quite some time, we confessed that we liked each other. Two days later, we officially became a couple. I was (and still am) incredibly happy. He has shown me what it is really like to be in a relationship, and he truly loves me and cares about me, just as I truly love and care about him. He has made everything feel so much better, and has made even the horrible things easier to deal with. The time we have together is truly the best time ever. Whenever I am in his arms, I feel like things are perfect and that everything is just going to be ok. It's such an amazing feeling, it really is. As for other things going on, today is kinda a hard day for me. It's Cyndy's birthday. And I miss her more then anything in this world. I keep feeling like she's still here. I keep feeling like I should be calling her to wish her a happy birthday, to see how she's feeling, etc. Would you believe that she is still in my contacts on my cell phone? Everytime I go to delete it out of there, I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel like so much crap wouldn't have gone on if she was still here. I wouldn't have screwed myself over so badly this summer. She would have been there to help me out and figure things out. And I just feel like that with everything that has happened the last few months, I could use her support, help, and guidance so much. I miss her like you wouldn't believe. This weekend, I am going home. They are doing a benefit dinner and chinese raffle for my mom on Saturday. This is great, honestly we could use the money for all of these hospital bills and such. But in alot of ways, I'm not looking forward to this either. I know its going to be emotional and going to wear me out completely. It makes it something that I really truly have to deal with. And I just don't know how I'm supposed to do that. Everyone and everything about it is going to be emotional, and I just don't know how to deal with it. And honestly, I kinda don't want to. But at the same time, I know I need to be home for this. I know it. So its getting to be the end of the semester. That's kinda stressful in alot of ways. Finals. Oh man, I haven't taken them since my sophomore year of High School. And of course, you all know me, I'm stressing about grades. But no duh, right? But still, on the plus side of life, I have an amazing guy now. Gregg is always there for me, and is always such a help to me. I hate that we can't be together as much as we want, and I hate that other people cause so much drama about us being together, but still, we're happy and that's all that matters. We can overcome the obstacles. I can honestly say that I don't know what I would do without him. He's amazing and I truly do love him.   1 comment|post comment

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