Sarah's Life

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:02:30 GMT

13:42 So not feeling it today. Ridiculously tired and just don't feel well. HAVE to go to work tonight though! #
13:51 Ugh. #
14:01 @Rangoon7 Meh, I'm ok. Not feeling well and exhausted plus having to work tonight. How are you? #
14:04 @perpetualspiral Do you see my tweets last night?! #
14:05 @Rangoon7 I'm trying. I slept til like noon. It's crazy. My body is hating me I think. #
14:07 "You were only given this life because you are strong enough to live it." tumblr.com/xjg3yie5e #
14:07 @Rhian73 What's wrong hun? #
14:12 @Rangoon7 (((hugs))) I'm sorry that you do hun. #
14:19 @Rhian73 (((hugs))) I'm so sorry hun. I really wish I could do something for you! #
14:28 Your easygoing and optimistic outlook on life is encouraged ev... More for Sagittarius bit.ly/79sZN #
16:23 @perpetualspiral I'm not quite sure what that means...but yes! I am so relieved. I'm going with her tonight to take him to a friend's house #
16:24 Off to work and then going with Mel to take Mike to a friend's house...gonna be a long effin night. #
22:12 At home....waiting to go on the app. 1 1/2 hour trip with Mel to drop Mike off. Its gonna be a long effin night. #

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Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:03:02 GMT

09:28 Awake too early. Have to deal with CMP today before they shut off our power...oh life. #
09:56 Ok...got it figured out...not getting our power shut off...yay! #
10:32 A little less stressed....about some things at least. #
10:33 Feel dead today though. Reallyyy don't wanna go to work tonight. #
10:54 @JennyBucket I know! (((hugs)) How are you? #
11:04 @JennyBucket I worked all weekend,...so it sucked lol. And I'm dead and have to work tonight. #
11:09 RT @livetorque: "There is no such thing as 'too late' in life."— Mitch Albom #Quote #
11:10 RT @livetorque: "Life has to end, love doesn't."
— Mitch Albom #
11:17 @JennyBucket I wish I could. Too many errands and such to do beforehand. #
11:23 @Liasis Yes! Thank God it worked out! #
11:23 @JennyBucket Yep. This is my life lately. I hate it. #
11:36 "Life is so much cleaner on the page." - -Chroma Key tumblr.com/xjg3xt640 #
13:34 12169.) I over-analyze everything. - (via blogsecret) tumblr.com/xjg3xuydb #
13:40 12106.) "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost - (via... tumblr.com/xjg3xv1qh #
13:42 Photo: I snuggle you! tumblr.com/xjg3xv35t #
13:43 Just bought inserts for my shoes....my feet feel better already! #
13:45 Photo: Yay! tumblr.com/xjg3xv4mk #
13:47 @kimmieCollas Yes...and since I'm working retial I def need them! #
13:47 @TaperJean_Girl_ I hear ya! I have high arches so its a must for me too! I just got them today, I'm excited! #
13:48 @Laurawhittz09 Thanks! I'm really excited..I've been working retail and my feet have been the WORST! #
13:54 @ArcticJadis Hehehe I know, wasn't it? #
13:59 @kimmieCollas Hehehe I do toooo! I miss my bunny :( #
14:20 @Rangoon7 Yes! I can already feel a difference! #
14:23 Off to Rite Aid to get prescriptions and Vitamin C! #
15:45 @Rangoon7 Yes it really is...and it def exhausts me! #
16:42 12080.) I'm scared to lose you. - (via blogsecret) tumblr.com/xjg3xxzyv #
16:52 11958.) i get attached to people easily. - via blogsecret tumblr.com/xjg3xy6qn #
17:11 Photo: perpetualspiral: tumblr.com/xjg3xyjfc #
17:13 Photo: Just rocking tumblr.com/xjg3xykt6 #
17:41 Dan and I are going over to Mel's to try and do damage control. We can't sit back and do nothing anymore. Please hope and pray it works. #
18:09 If you have been blinded by your own dreams, your high hopes m... More for Sagittarius bit.ly/79sZN #
19:42 Looks like things might be working out..... #
20:52 @Fierstarr Things worked out. They broke up officially and he is moving to a friends place tomorrow. Hopefully nothing happens b4 then.... #
21:02 Things with Mel will finally be ok...they have broken up and Mike is leaving tomorrow. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. #
21:37 @Fierstarr Yes. And I think things will be ok. Thank God. I'm so relieved. #
21:38 @Fierstarr Hahaha yes. I feel kinda selfish saying that but meh. I took the night off work to do this, so I guess I cant be THAT selfish. #
21:53 @Fierstarr Hahaha thanks. I just try to be a good friend! #
00:17 11446.) I need to relax more. - (via blogsecret) tumblr.com/xjg3y6rqv #
00:25 @kimmieCollas Oh congrats! What are u doing? #
00:27 Photo: bit.ly/1FxHtL tumblr.com/xjg3y6xz6 #
00:29 @kimmieCollas Hehehe yes...I love bunnies! #
00:31 Photo: I’m a flying kitty! tumblr.com/xjg3y70zn #
00:31 @kimmieCollas Awww I had an adorable one my self...miss him lots :( #
00:36 @kimmieCollas Awww that's so sad. Mine died while I was away at school. :( #
00:41 @kimmieCollas Awwww. I want another one. #
00:50 @kimmieCollas Right, makes sense. #
00:50 Goodnight all <3 #

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Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:03:09 GMT

01:04 Is anyone who used Tumblr having probs with it? I def am. #
01:08 @eliiiiiiiiizab @bitter_sweet2 Hawaii sounds good! #
01:12 @bitter_sweet2 Let's dooooooooooooooooooooooo it! #
01:19 Ok all, I'm off. Beyond exhausted. Night <3 #
12:00 RT @livetorque: "All endings are really beginnings.. we just don't know it at the time."— Mitch Albom #Quote #
12:01 Awake. Slept in majorly. My body was even more exhausted then I thought! #
12:03 Gotta work again tonight. Fun fun fun! #
12:03 I really wouldn't mind it so much if I felt better #fibro #
12:25 RT @livetorque: Courage is looking fear right in the eye and saying, “Get the hell out of my way, I’ve got things to do.” #
12:26 RT @livetorque: "When u arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love..." #
12:49 Life is so much cleaner on the page. #
12:50 Photo: What do you mean I’m not a hamster? tumblr.com/xjg3x7b34 #
14:13 So tired. I am way overdoing it but really don't have a choice. #
14:14 Does anyone know of anything I can get to help support my feet with my high arches? #
14:17 @Vandamir Oh man hun that's crazy! Are you feeling better now? #
14:20 @GothixHalo Hmmm I've never heard of them, but will look into them. My shoes are great, but the muscles in my arches killlllll! Thanks! #
14:21 @Vandamir Thanks hun, I will give that a try. The muscles around there killlllll. #
14:22 @perpetualspiral Hahaha are you having fun today? #
14:23 @Vandamir Well I'm glad ur feeling at least a bit better. Can you take something OTC for the allergy? #
14:26 @GothixHalo Yeah they are a bit more expensive then I can afford. Are there like inserts I can buy? #
14:27 @Vandamir Ugh pain is so hard. I hope the pattern continues tho and keeps getting better! #
14:28 @perpetualspiral Hahaha you're so funny. Your tweets have been quite entertaining! #
14:29 @GothixHalo Hmm I will keep looking into it.....thanks! #
14:30 @perpetualspiral I'm alright. Still pretty stressed and exhausted. Have to work again tonight. And what's all the rage about/from? #
14:31 @mergyeugnau I don't have a PT. Insurance would prolly cover it but I still can't afford the copays. Ugh. How are you? #
14:33 @GothixHalo I don't know. I'm still new to this area. I will need to do some research. #
14:33 @riotkat I will! Thanks! #
14:34 @GothixHalo Ugh I hate when I can't remember things! #
14:35 @GothixHalo Oh no! *hugs* #
14:37 @perpetualspiral Understandable hun. *hugs* I'm here if you wanna talk :) #
14:38 @mergyeugnau I hope that if I keep working enough, I might be able to. Course work is killing me too...but thats another story. How are you? #
14:39 @GothixHalo Thanks for the info...do they have ones for high arches? I'm trying to do a search now. #
14:40 @GothixHalo Oh no I'm sorry. That's such a hard way to find out. #
14:45 @perpetualspiral *hugs* Thanks hun. I just need to stop overdoing it, but I don't have a choice right now. Gotta love life. #
14:46 @mergyeugnau Aww thanks hun. I'm just doing what I need to do. Don't really have a choice right now. And I'm glad ur doing ok! #
14:47 @GothixHalo Ohh those look good, especially because they specifically mention high arches. Does it matter that its only 3/4 lon though? #
14:47 @GothixHalo Omg thats horrible hun! I'm sorry you've been through all that! #
14:48 Was being sarcastic! RT @perpetualspiral: Says who? I'm not particularly fond of mine OR yours right now. RT @SarahBear9708 Gotta love life. #
14:49 @GothixHalo I don't know anythin about them, so I was just wondering :) #
14:51 @perpetualspiral Ugh I know what thats like. Do you have anything constructive you can take out that energy on? #
15:00 @GothixHalo Awesome...thank you! I will def look into all of these! #
15:01 @perpetualspiral Awww...what about something to get your mind off it? Is there anythin that could do that? #
15:03 @kimmieCollas That's true. I guess. lol. #
15:05 @perpetualspiral Understandable. But yes, maybe readin would be a big help, gets your mind off things! #
15:05 @GothixHalo Thanks, me too. I just hope I can afford them. Money is soooooo tight. #
15:06 @perpetualspiral Hahaha bitching helps! #
15:09 @kimmieCollas Exactly...its honestly really hard to tell sometimes. #
15:09 Ok everyone...I'm off to get ready for work. Being trained in Service Desk tonight...shall be interesting...be back later. <3 you all! #
20:19 On break at work. I kinda like doing the service desk. Its less exhausting, but still busy en #
20:20 But still busy enough to make the time go by. #
23:19 Home from work and deaddddd. #
23:28 My feet will not stop throbbing. #
23:30 @giasrose Awww I'm sorry hun! *hugs* #
23:42 12514.) As much as I complain about society and life today, I still think it's beautiful. - (via blogsecret) tumblr.com/xjg3xj2w8 #
23:50 Does anyone have any suggestions for tired, sore, throbbing feet? Have soaked in epsom and now elevating...any other ideas? #
23:55 @Vandamir Ohhh thanks! #
23:56 @BethMerrifield They throb and kill! But when I keep them elevated too long they get so cold...grrr. I think most of the prob is that I have #
23:56 high arches and don't have support for that anymore. Grrr. Anyways, how are you? #
00:01 @jennifermf I will....as soon as i can afford them. *sigh* #
00:02 @eliiiiiiiiizab Yep...I know exactly what you mean! #
00:03 @giasrose Hmmm thats a thought! #
00:04 @greytfriend Thanks...I will give that a try! #
00:05 @Liasis Oh its ok....my phone is in the other room charging....you on yahoo? #
00:08 @jennifermf Oh really? Ones for high arches? #
00:10 @BethMerrifield DMed you #
00:15 12342.) I love you. - (via blogsecret) tumblr.com/xjg3xjo7h #
00:19 12309.) I'm human...so I'm allowed to make mistakes. I hope you understand that. - (via blogsecret) tumblr.com/xjg3xjr78 #
00:24 @giasrose Ugh I'm on more then twitter will let me type, I'll just tell you the fibro ones which are Lyrica and Savella #
00:25 @bitter_sweet2 ((hugs)) Make that damn thing go away! :) #
00:27 @giasrose My dr refuses to prescribe them from you. #
00:33 @giasrose Right, anything is a help! #
00:33 @jennifermf They JUST opened a Walgreens here...I'll have to check! Thanks! #
00:34 @Rhian73 Ohhh I bet that would help! I need something for my poor feet! #
00:36 @stephanieinutah I'm trying...but ugh ugh ugh I can't make it stop. *Whine over* #
00:38 @Rhian73 I will, thanks! #
00:39 @stephanieinutah Thanks hun! (((hugs))) How are YOU these days? It's been a while! #
00:43 @stephanieinutah I was on that once upon a time..had to stop it cuz I slept like all the time! Hope it gets better for you though! #
00:43 Ok everyone, I'm exhausted. Work is killing me. Goodnight. <3 #
00:44 @stephanieinutah I'm ok. Working alot too and its killing me. But I'm livin. I hate to leave but I'm exhausted. Night! #

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Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:02:21 GMT

01:23 Can't sleep. SO stressed and worried. Its making me feel sick. #
01:24 RT @comedybot: Change is inevitable....except from vending machines. -Steven Wright ☺ #
01:28 Please keep my best friend Mel in your thoughts and prayers. She is going through a hard time right now and is in an even harder situation. #
01:30 @giasrose I copied and pasted lol. #
01:33 @Simplytracy63 Thanks so much hun I greatly appreciate it! #
01:33 @HeadacheSlayer *hugs* Thank you, that means a lot! #
01:36 @HeadacheSlayer Thank you! I'm trying. But things have just been so crazy in so many ways. I'm SO worn out! #
01:37 @Simplytracy63 I do! But I still appreciate it! :) #
01:39 Ok. Lunesta is kicking in. Attempt #2 at sleep. Night all <3 #
13:45 @HeadacheSlayer Thanks fo your message last night hun...I appreciate it. And I'm trying! #
13:45 @greytfriend Thanks hun, that means alot to me! #
13:46 RT @livetorque: "If you can #dream it, you can do it. Always remember this whole thing was started by a mouse." ~
Walt Disney #
13:48 @chubachups I'm ok...exhausted from working so much...and quite stressed at the moment...but ok...how are you? #
13:53 @Rangoon7 Thanks hun. I'm ok. Just exhausted from work and stressed with a situation with my best friend. How are you? #
13:54 @chubachups I understand completely. *hugs* I'm just stressed about a bad situation my best friend is in, and trying to help her. #
13:57 @Rangoon7 I'm trying. But I'm working like everyday. I'm convinced that work is gonna be the death of me! #
13:58 @fmslife (((hugs))) I've missed you love! How are you? #
13:58 @chubachups Actually, this is a different friend.. But yeah, its a really tough situation, but I am trying to take care of me. ((hugs)) #
14:06 @chubachups Hahaha I do. It's just a big part of who I am. And thanks hun, I really appreciate nit! #
14:10 @fmslife Oh man hun I'm sorry you've been so sick. I'm ok just exhausted and stressed. The usual basically. lol. (((hugs))) #
14:17 @fmslife Thank you! Love & Hugs back to you! #
14:25 @kimmieCollas Hahahahaha thanks hun! #
14:28 @kimmieCollas Hmm thats interesting...I've honestly never heard of thrat. #
14:31 @kimmieCollas I want to read them when you're done! #
14:33 @kimmieCollas Right, that makes sense. #
14:37 @kimmieCollas Hmmm thats quite interesting. #
14:37 @bitter_sweet2 Sorry you are in so much pain hun! I'm ok, exhausted. (((hugs))) #
14:40 @kimmieCollas Hmm I might just have to give it a try then. #
14:54 @bitter_sweet2 Thanks hun! I hope I do get that chance! Love & Hugs for you toooo! #
15:20 Just talked to my best friend...situation isn't much better. She's just at a dead end. Please keep her in your thoughts & prayers. #
16:03 I hate driving in the Old Port. Just FYI. #
17:08 TIme to get ready for walk and then go there. It's gonna be a late night. And longgggg. Be back at somepoint. <3 #
00:15 @HeadacheSlayer (((hugs))) Thanks. It was alright....work was exhaustinggggg though. #
00:23 Home from work and exhaustedddd. #
00:36 They gave me "manager numbers" at work tonight...I can now do overrides and such...I feel special! lol #
00:36 @HeadacheSlayer Agreeed! And thanks! How are you? #
00:38 @Fierstarr Hahaha yes. I can't help but feel special...especially since I've only been there like a month and a half. lol. Pathetic, eh? #
00:39 @HeadacheSlayer Heyyy that's a huge accomplishment, or so I think! No one besides us #spoonies know how hard that really is. #
00:40 @eliiiiiiiiizab hahaha yep. #
00:43 @Fierstarr Hahah I hope so! Not that I'm sure I could handle the hours.... #
00:44 @HeadacheSlayer That's a def improvement! :) I feel like now I'm sleeping most of the day then working most of the night. What a life. #
00:44 @Liasis Hahahaha thanks...how are you? #
00:45 @bitter_sweet2 Ugh paying bills is hard! (((hugs))) #
00:49 @Fierstarr I'm not really sure....I've never looked directly at it. But I think I might have to! lol #
00:52 @bitter_sweet2 Me either. It's too stressful. And YESSSS! I need a vaca too! So let's dooooo it! #
00:52 @Fierstarr Yes. That is very true. They are training me in customer service tomorrow too..so I think that's another good step. (That's #
00:52 actually why I needed the manager numbers to begin with.) @Fierstarr #
00:55 @eliiiiiiiiizab @bitter_sweet2 Sounds perfect to meeeeeee! #
00:58 @Fierstarr I know. :) Not if only I can not feel so shitty after work.... #

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Sat, 07 Nov 2009 06:02:32 GMT

03:03 Sorry for the adrupt leaving earlier, my best friend had a crisis and I ended up over there. Her name is Mel, please keep her in ur thoughts #
03:06 She's going through such a hard time right now. Any thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated! #
03:08 I just got home from there and its 3am. I'm exhausted. Goodnight all. <3 #
09:17 Had such horrible sleep. Blah. #
09:21 @perpetualspiral Thanks hun...I had SUCH a long night last night...and couldn't sleep well after...how are you? #
09:28 @perpetualspiral I'm glad you slept well at least! Yeah..it was a sorta crisis with my best friend...remember that situation? #
09:33 @perpetualspiral Her and her bf got in a fight last night, and he left threatening to kill himself, so she had to call the cops..... #
09:33 @perpetualspiral She's ok, just really really upset. I was with her til 3am. #
09:36 @JennyBucket I wanna buy a new body on ebay too! #
09:39 @perpetualspiral Yeah...she wants to break up with him...or at least take a break...its gotten wayyyy too much for her. #
09:39 @JennyBucket Hahaha thanks! :) #
09:44 @perpetualspiral Me too. It's really affecting her in such a negative way. #
09:51 Oh life. Soooo exhausted. #
09:52 @XSarenkaX Ugh I'm sorry hun! (((hugs))) #
10:07 @perpetualspiral So true.I just hope things get better. #
12:50 @perpetualspiral Thanks hun! #
13:17 Grr Tweetdeck isn't working right. #
13:31 Ok nevermind....Tweetdeck is working again...I just had to upgrade. #
13:31 Can I just say how much I hate using twitter's website to update? Yeah. I'm cool like that. #
13:33 @perpetualspiral I take Vitamin D and it does help...def not a cure though! #
13:34 @jennifermf I can. I can start typing after I click reply. I wonder why you can't? #
13:37 @jennifermf That sucks. Have you tried closing it and then getting back into it? #
13:44 @jennifermf That's weird. I just updated and I don't have that problem at all. #
13:45 Please keep my best friend Mel and her boyfriend Mike in your thoughts and prayers. Things are really tough right now. #
13:48 @jennifermf Hmm yeah that could do it. Maybe they forgot something in this update? #
14:00 @perpetualspiral Nope. I find the Vitamin D gives me a bit more energy...but thats about it. #
14:01 I don't want to go to work todayyyyy. #
14:01 @perpetualspiral Ginseng helps with energy? #
14:02 @Fibenymphs_Blog @XSarenkaX @VinaMist Thanks for the #FFs! #
14:05 @perpetualspiral Hahaha I never knew what it was for....DUH me? #
14:07 @perpetualspiral Nope..I've only been recommended D3 and B12. Weird that the pharmacist never mentioned it. Does it really help? #
14:08 I've had about 4 (if that) hours of sleep. I'm SO EFFIN TIRED! #
14:12 @julianna12369 Make a wish! #
14:16 @julianna12369 Me too...I just need some of them to start coming true! #
14:21 Why did I agree to go to work today? I'm crazy. (Oh right, I need the money.) #
14:29 @Rhian73 I'm trying, I really am. It's just being on my feet and walking around all day is wayyyy too much sometimes. #
14:49 @julianna12369 @missyujin Thanks for the #FFs! #
14:50 @julianna12369 Hmmm thats true. Need to not wish so big! #
14:50 @Rhian73 I know you do hun. But we'll both make it! #
14:54 @jalensmom Without a test there is no way they can tell. They just assume that these days. #
14:58 @jalensmom Why not? Is it not considered a threat anymore? #
15:01 @jalensmom Ugh. I hate when they do that. Drs don't always know all. #
15:05 Ok. Getting ready and then off to work. So effin tired. Send me some spoons if you can please! #spoonie #
16:52 A bit of uncertainty creeps into your life today, slowing down... More for Sagittarius bit.ly/79sZN #
19:04 On break at work. Exhausted, but only an hour left to go. #
20:36 @JennyBucket Hehehe thanks hun. I did it. But my schedule next week is crazyyyyy. #
20:36 @giasrose Yep. It's def making me feel worse. But right now I really don't have a choice. #
20:42 Ugh I hate the stupidity of certain people. #
20:46 @giasrose It's ok...its just life. #
20:46 @perpetualspiral Hahaha you wanna know what made me say that? The drs let Mike (Mel's bf) out at 315 this morning. #
20:56 @eliiiiiiiiizab I missed it...whats wrong hun? #
21:00 @eliiiiiiiiizab OMG where does she come off saying that? Don't let her get to you hun, she has NO idea what its like. (((hugs))) #
21:06 @eliiiiiiiiizab I'm sorry she doesn't understand. That's horrible she's treating you like that. But just remember that you are above that. #
21:12 @perpetualspiral I know. And now she doesn't know what to do. She needs her space but doesn't know how to tell him without him freaking. #
21:14 @perpetualspiral The apt is in her name and what not. She needs him to move out, but is scared he'll do something. #
21:20 Photo: perpetualspiral: tumblr.com/xjg3w7vph #
21:23 @eliiiiiiiiizab Good for you hun. I'm proud of you! (((hugs))) #
21:27 @perpetualspiral Appaently last night, before she called the cops...he actually had a gun in the bathroom threatening it. I agree that he #
21:28 is prolly manipulating her, but I also can see how it'd be soooo scary for her.@perpetualspiral #
21:34 @perpetualspiral Yeah I know. But its so much easier us saying it then her doing it. I don't think he'd hurt her though, he's more #
21:34 like to hurt himself. I know him...and I believe that. Not that I don't agree with you though, because I do. @perpetualspiral #
21:36 @perpetualspiral I didddddddddddddddd #
21:44 @perpetualspiral Yeah I think she tried doing that while he was the hospital. #
21:50 Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I hate being helpless. #
21:52 @eliiiiiiiiizab My best friend is in a very sticky situation, and there isn't much I can do. It kills me. #
21:53 @perpetualspiral Meaning, idk if it worked or not. Like if she successfully hid it. #
21:54 RT @julianna12369: I'm bored and that usually leads to ONLINE SHOPPING! <<<You can always buy me bday presents! ;) 19 days! #
21:58 @perpetualspiral True. #
21:59 @eliiiiiiiiizab Yes. It's killing me. I literally feel sick. #
22:01 @perpetualspiral Are you on fb? #
22:06 Ugh I feel sickkkkkkk. #
22:09 @perpetualspiral I just wanted to send you a message... #
22:10 @eliiiiiiiiizab I'm trying...but trust me, this is a very bad situation. #
22:12 @perpetualspiral Sentttt #
22:12 @eliiiiiiiiizab I know. But it's how I am. #
22:26 @eliiiiiiiiizab Idk....maybe? Hard to say at this point. #
22:39 @eliiiiiiiiizab Very very very much so. #
22:42 @eliiiiiiiiizab I am. Just very stressed. #
22:42 RT @livetorque: "Not all scars shows. Not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't see, the pain someone feels."
- Unknown #
22:46 Ugh I feel so sick. #
22:46 @giasrose I really liked it too! :) #
22:47 @eliiiiiiiiizab Oh believe me I def know. And it's making me feel realllly sick right now too. #
22:58 @eliiiiiiiiizab Ok, I will give it a try. #

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Fri, 06 Nov 2009 06:02:52 GMT

01:09 Ok I'm exhausted. Goodnight all <3 #
10:39 RT @livetorque: "Each time we face our #fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing." ~ Unknown #
10:46 RT @livetorque: "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." ~
Unknown #Quote #
10:47 RT @livetorque: "A #quotation at the right moment is like bread to the famished." ~
The Talmud #
10:48 RT @livetorque: "Life is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you're gonna get." ~
Forrest Gump Movie #
11:07 @perpetualspiral Thank you! #
11:08 New Blog Post. "Disappointed" sarahbear9708.blogspot.com/ #Maine #Equality #VoteNoOn1 #
11:08 @perpetualspiral New link posted now! #
11:13 @perpetualspiral EXACTLY. Did you see what I posted last night about a proposed question for the 2010 ballot? It's WORSE! #
11:14 I'm making my tweets permanent with BackupMyTweets.com (please retweet) #
11:16 @perpetualspiral bit.ly/rYMyf #
11:19 @perpetualspiral There are petitioning for it to be on the 2010 ballot. I'm SO moving if this happens. #
12:09 @perpetualspiral So, yeah. I'm so leaving Maine if that crap goes through. #
12:10 @mergyeugnau (((hugs))) We're all here for you! #
12:16 @perpetualspiral Hahaha I might just have to! #
12:18 @perpetualspiral It usually is. #
12:51 @perpetualspiral Omg I know right? #
12:57 Photo: emptyhanded: tumblr.com/xjg3vdapl #
13:03 RT @livetorque: "There's only one way you can fail, and that's to quit." ~
Brian Hays #Quote #
13:58 Oh breathe, just breathe.. #
14:16 @perpetualspiral Ok...I'm stupid...accept what? #
14:16 RT @livetorque: "To #love and be #loved is the great happiness of existence." ~
Sydney Smith #
14:24 @perpetualspiral Ohhhh! Hahaha I apparently missed that somewhere. #
14:44 @perpetualspiral Ahhhh ok....thats why I didn't get it! #
14:53 RT @livetorque: "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." - Batman Begins #Quote #
15:00 RT @mashable Now You Can Dislike Stuff on Facebook (With a Firefox Plugin) bit.ly/38FROa #
15:46 I might switch from #Flock back to #Firefox. Mostly because I want a plug-in that doesn't seem to be working well in flock. #
16:09 Nevemind. I like #Flock better so I'm sticking with it. #
16:12 Nap time. #
18:02 So much for a nap. #FML #
18:05 Photo: Just showing some love! tumblr.com/xjg3vi97h #
18:06 Photo: Let’s play fetch! tumblr.com/xjg3vi9z6 #
18:24 I'm so overwhelmed. Help? #
18:51 @myfoggybrain I'll give it a try...thanks! #
19:03 Photo: I got you! tumblr.com/xjg3vjb28 #
22:49 @BethMerrifield Work is good, just exhausting. Oh you did? Where? #
22:59 It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's so bad. #
23:04 I'm incredibly bored. #
23:05 HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREGG! #
23:08 @giasrose Sure hun, I'm here. #
23:09 I don't think I'll ever get over my resentment of her. #
23:11 @giasrose This girl that my ex cheated on me with. Long story. I'm happily engaged now, but the hurt of it is still there. #
23:17 @giasrose No worries, I posted it, so its ok to ask. :) And umm...I think prolly, it's hard for me to keep track! #
23:23 @giasrose In the meantime hun, I'm still here for you :) #
23:25 @giasrose Anytime...that's what friends are for! #
23:30 @Liasis Goodnight mom! xoxoxoxox #
23:30 @Rangoon7 Goodnight hun! Hugs and love! #
23:32 @giasrose Sometimes, yes. Both are very exhausting. Do you take any meds or supplements? #
23:39 @giasrose Do you take anything that helps with energy such as VItamin D and Vitamin B12? #
23:44 There is something I should tell you, can you see it in my eyes? #
23:51 @giasrose My dr hasn't checked my levels either, but I take both and it really does help. Its common for people with fibro to be low. #

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Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:03:48 GMT

01:03 I've never felt ashamed to me from #Maine more then I do right now. Believe me, I DID #VoteNoOn1 #
01:04 @julianna12369 Really? How does that work? #
01:07 @catgal2005 Yep, that's a big part of the problem. Plus some people are just close-minded. #
01:07 @giasrose I have many many friends who are, and I believe in equal rights for everyone! #
01:08 @pagan43 Exactly. I just feel for the many people who have been affected by this. #
01:09 @greytfriend I know. I don't understand either. And I just feel so bad for the many who are affected deeply by this. #
01:14 @giasrose I will do my best :) #
01:24 Ok, I need to sleep. Stayed up wayy too late watching these results. And for the last time tonight, I apologize for the ignorance #
01:24 of my state. #VoteNoOn1 #
07:16 You can take a grand philosophical approach to life, but today... More for Sagittarius bit.ly/79sZN #
09:57 RT @livetorque: "Don't ask for a light load, but rather ask for a strong back." ~ Unknown #Quote #
10:01 @fmslife HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (((hugs))) #
11:31 @BethMerrifield Ugh I know the feeling. *hugs* #
11:32 @BethMerrifield I do! Its www.bangordailynews.com/electionresults.html I think that's it. If it doesn't work lemme kno and ill check. #
11:34 RT @WCSH6: Some fairly emotional speeches given at the No On 1 news conference. The basic gist of it all? The fight... bit.ly/tiaP4 #
11:38 @BethMerrifield Well put! #
12:14 I'm sooooo tired today. Too bad I gotta work tonight. #
13:17 Anyone wanna lend me some spoons to get through this day and then work tonight? #spoonie #fibro #
13:22 @VinaMist Thanks hun. (((hugs))) Hope you feel better too! #
13:34 New Blog Post. "Disappointed. sarahbear9708.blogspot.com #
13:38 @VinaMist Thanks for the RT hun! #
13:40 @VinaMist I can't believe it happened. Maine has really let me down. #
13:42 New Blog Post. "Disappointed" sarahbear9708.blogspot.com #Maine #VoteNoOn1 #
13:47 @LLAbbott Thanks for RTing my blog post! #
13:47 RT @TheBlisschick: Eventually marriage rights MUST come from the federal level. Hello? Obama? #ultimatedisappointment #
13:48 RT @mamaspeak: RT @sween: Maine bookstores are sold out of "Voting for Dummies". {true} <<<Hahahaha. #
13:49 Sadly, I think its time to remove my #VoteNoOn1 #twibbon :( #
14:02 @Fibenymphs_Blog You're SO right! #
14:04 @perpetualspiral Hahahaha awwwwwww :) #
14:08 It is with great sadness that I removed my #VoteNoOn1 Twibbon. I'm sorry for Maine's ignorance. #
14:14 @Fibenymphs_Blog I am. I mean, it doesn't really directly affect me, but it effects so many loved ones. #
14:29 @PaulaFanForLife I have migraines and also have a cyst in my brain. Was told the same thing, that its fine as long as it doesn't grow. #
14:33 @jennifermf Maine is full of....I don't even know. #
14:34 New Blog Post. "Disappointed." sarahbear9708.blogspot.com/ #Maine #VoteNoOn1 #
14:37 @jennifermf Yes, I believe it was 52% to 48%. #
16:10 #Confession I finished the salt & vinegar chips. #
16:12 Loading caffeine into me for my shift tonight. Blah. #
16:34 New Blog Post. "Disappointed" sarahbear9708.blogspot.com/ #VoteNoOn1 #Maine #Equality #
16:35 @420thoughts Me too. #
17:02 Off to work. Woo frickin hoo. #
19:44 New blog post. "Disappointed" sarahbear9708.blogspot.com/ #Maine #VoteNoOn1 #
23:07 Back home from work....exhausted with feet that are THROBBING. #
23:07 @bitter_sweet2 Hahaha thanks hun. How are you? #
23:07 @perpetualspiral Hahaha I RTed that earlier...it's SO true. #
23:07 @PaulaFanForLife It scares me too. But, I have to trust my drs. They are going to keep monitoring it. #
23:12 @mergyeugnau Hahaha so true. #
23:15 @mergyeugnau Hahaha I'm sure it isn't. And thanks...its just my damn feet...they don't seem to be getting used to it at all! #
23:24 @giasrose Yayyyy glad it works! #
23:35 All you need is love! #
23:37 @giasrose SO true! And that's what friends are for! #
23:40 @giasrose Haha I know! We both did it! #
23:47 @JennyBucket True. But personally, its what keeps me going. #
23:49 @giasrose Oh I know what you mean. I used to make all my own myspace layouts #
23:49 @JennyBucket I'm sorry you are in so much pain hun! *hugs* #
23:51 @giasrose I like facebook better, but I do agree that the decorating part of myspace is better. #
23:52 3 weeks today til my 21st. Just thought you all should know! :) #
23:57 @JennyBucket Anytime! I hope you feel better! #
23:57 @Simplytracy63 Hahaha okie dokie, I can do that. I'm quite excited, lol. #
23:58 @JennyBucket Hahaha I know it. Don't feel it most days though. *sigh* #
00:00 @giasrose Now if only I felt it....damn #fibro. #
00:06 @JennyBucket Exactly. Damn #fibro! #
00:11 @Simplytracy63 Me too. And this one is a milestone and its hopefully gonna be fun! #
00:50 And I didn't think the people of #Maine could be any worse..... #
00:53 And now I am even MORE ashamed to be from #Maine.... #
01:01 @giasrose Because of a proposed question for the 2010 ballot. Read it: bit.ly/rYMyf #
01:01 @JennyBucket A question proposed for the next election: bit.ly/rYMyf #

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Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:01:58 GMT

[Unknown LJ tag]

07:27 You may feel as if you are being bounced around today by force... More for Sagittarius bit.ly/79sZN #
13:55 On break at work. Finishing my work day and then off to vote! #
14:00 Oh and btw, I love being regarded highly enough at work to be asked to train someone! #
15:42 NO on 1 in Maine! Off to vote that! And other things! #
15:43 @Liasis hehe thanks. I felt special! #
15:58 Voted! On my way home now to soak my poor sore feet. #
16:34 Why is this epsom salt not helping my feet much??? #
16:38 @Simplytracy63 I'm trying...but its been about 30 mins...how long should it take, do you know? #
16:41 @Rangoon7 Thanks hun, will work on that! #
16:45 Feet are now elevated. Please stop throbbing now? #
16:49 I like my job in theory, but I HATE what its doing to me. #
17:03 @Rangoon7 Did you at least get used to it and notice as much? And thanks, hugs back to you! #
17:04 @rawarrior Haha I know right? #
19:05 @Rangoon7 Hmmmm thats interesting. Ok. #
19:23 Beyond exhausted. Wanting to take a nap...but its kinda late for that... #
19:34 Trying to stay awake. #
19:40 @jennifermf Not me. #
19:45 @eliiiiiiiiizab But if I went to bed now, I wouldn't be able to sleep through the night. #
19:48 Liking the election results so far....keep it up Maine! #
20:07 Why do results take so long? And why do I care so much? lol #
20:22 Just joined a twibe. Visit twibes.com/fibro to join #
20:23 @Liasis Hard to describe them all, so bit.ly/1Ddpoz #
20:24 RT @JennyBucket: Where's #teamgimp? <<< I'm here...awaiting Maine's results from today! #
20:25 So can someone tell me what exactly #twibes are? #
20:28 @Liasis Oh....nah, just local stuff. It's more some of the questions I'm interested in. I never used to care, I've recently gotten into it #
20:40 @Liasis Hahaha no problem! Glad to be useful! :) #
20:41 @JennyBucket I'm ok....just worn out and exhausted from work. How are you? #
20:51 I'm NOT like these results right now....c'mon! #
20:54 @pagan43 Exactly...that's always a good thing! How are you hun? #
20:59 @JennyBucket Well hopefully that chillin is relaxing! #
21:03 Why don't people wanna repeal the school consolidation? Does no one realize how horrible it is? #
21:07 @greytfriend Where are you from and what are you interested in? I'm way absorbed into this, so I'll be able to keep you posted! #
21:10 @BethMerrifield They're not out yet...but so far, look here: bit.ly/1Qc81J #
21:18 RT @BethMerrifield: COME ON MAINERS!!!! WE ARE SO CLOSE!!!!!!! #
21:19 #NoOn1 we can do it! #
21:21 @perpetualspiral Awwww *hugs* #
21:30 It's times like these I wish I followed more Maine people...just to discuss polls! #
21:32 No offense to my amazing followers :D #
21:33 Anybody wanna at least pretend to care along with me? lol #
21:39 @Liasis The governor passed a law consolidating schools in Maine. It has caused alot of problems so we're trying to appeal it.\ #
21:40 @pagan43 Question 1 is big. It's whether to support same-sex marriage. If we pass it, we'll be the first state to have voted it into effect. #
21:40 @pagan43 Question 3 is also big...its about appealing the Maine State Consolidation Law for schools. #
21:40 @pagan43 Question 4 is whether not to approve TABOR, which would lose local control if passed. #
21:41 @pagan43 And Question 5 is the Maine State Medical Marijuana act. Approving it basically. #
21:42 @greytfriend Currently it is 55% NO (which is good) That's the one that keeps it law that it's allowed. #
21:43 @giasrose Right now we are 55% NO on Question 1....that's a good thing! #
21:51 @giasrose In look at your timeline...it looks like you sent me a message before...but then is the first time its shown up as a reply to me #
21:52 @Liasis Like less schools....making kids travel 45 mins or more to schools. Less local schools. #
21:53 @greytfriend Yep. We are currently at 65% yes. #
21:56 RT @giasrose: Maine Poll: 51% Yes, 47% No on 1 | News | Advocate.com: bit.ly/1VgjgS via @addthis <<< This is OLD info. #
21:58 @giasrose Sure....all you have to do is upload the pic as ur background...if you send me ur email, i'll send you the pic. #
21:58 #NoOn1 #
22:02 @bangordailynews Your website for election results says JRun closed connection...whats wrong????? #
22:05 #Question1ME is now at NO 50.62%..... #
22:11 @pagan43 I will def do that! #
22:12 @BreakingNews Are you gonna tweet anything about Maine's Question 1! If NO wins, we'll be the first state! #
22:13 @BreakingNews First state to vote to allow same-sex marriage! #
22:14 @Liasis Nope...and we're voting to appeal it...and for some reason people are voting against it? They're worried about taxes I guess? #
22:14 Why does the BDN website keep having to go down tonight? #
22:16 @giasrose I just sent you one...you can just respond :) #
22:17 @pagan43 The governor already signed it into law...but this vote is to repeal it. So if YES wins, it won't be a law anymore, if NO wins, #
22:17 it will stay a law. @pagan43 #
22:20 Come on, websites, update! #
22:22 @perpetualspiral The results of Maine's elections/polls today. #
22:23 #MaineQuestion1 YES is now up at 50.51% #
22:26 @pagan43 No problem. Glad to be of help :) #
22:26 @giasrose I know, I don't like it! And yes, I live in Portland, ME #
22:27 @giasrose You're welcome! #
22:29 @WCSH6 Why is the results on your webpage not updating? #
22:30 @Liasis Exactly. Plus, the bigger cities (where most of the population is) isn't affected as much either. #
22:32 @mergyeugnau I'm here. Just absorbed on election day results here. #
22:33 @mergyeugnau but how are you? #
22:35 @giasrose Hehehe yes we do! :) #
22:35 @mergyeugnau I've been posting updates too as I get them from online. I keep refreshing the page, lol. #
22:36 @mergyeugnau I'm ok, just exhausted from working so much lately. I'm wayyyyy overdoing it. #
22:40 #TABOR #Question4 TABOR Chairman has conceded! #
22:40 @mergyeugnau Thanks hun. Yeah, its been tough. Its so hard on me, but I dont really have a choice right now. #
22:42 @mergyeugnau In your search of #VoteNoOn1 are you seeing sites people are getting info from? The one I'm using keeps going down. #
22:43 Oh and for those of you are wondering, yes I DID #VoteNoOn1 today! #
22:43 @fmslife It's whether to appeal a new law that allows same-sex marriage in Maine. #
22:43 @mergyeugnau Thanks. I'm sorry you're having a hard time too. *hugs* #
22:44 @perpetualspiral Nope these are questions... #
22:46 @mergyeugnau Thanks. Unfortunately, I'm looking for one that lists all of Maine's questions. #
22:47 @Rhian73 So true. And hopefully the people of Maine pull through tonight. I'm hoping! #VoteNoOn1 #
22:48 #VoteNoOn1 YES is currently in the lead with 50.51%. Howeer, only 28% of precincts are reported. #
22:49 #VoteNoOn1 CORRECTION! NO is now up by 50.81% #
22:50 Sorry if I'm boring my followers. I promise I am not usually this boring. #
22:51 @pagan43 I respect you lots too. And I apologize for my boring tweeting tonight, lol #
22:52 @perpetualspiral Here. These are the questions. bit.ly/1Ddpoz (And those results are not final, they are still being counted) #
22:54 @giasrose Oh just some people are prolly bored by my constant Maine results. lol #
22:54 @perpetualspiral Nope not at all, I dont have many followers from ME, so I like discussing it with other people! #
22:57 Rt:: @justinouellette Yes on Question 4 has conceded! Take that #TABOR! #Maine #
22:58 @giasrose Hahaha born and raised here :) #
22:58 @perpetualspiral I know, right? #
23:01 @fmslife @giasrose @Rhian73 I hope Maine comes through! #VoteNoOn1 #
23:04 @perpetualspiral Yeah pretty much. Makes SO much sense right? I think, honestly, its religious groups who are hurting it, but what do I know #
23:08 #VoteNoOn1 Yes and No are at 50/50. #
23:08 @perpetualspiral I know. I really hope that by the end of the night I can say I'm proud to be from Maine. #
23:09 @perpetualspiral If we win this one, we'll be the first state to have approved (by voters) same-sex marriage. #
23:15 @giasrose Hahahaha. If only #fibro would be considered....hmm...maybe...lol #
23:16 #VoteNoOn1 56% is now reporting..... Yes is currently up at 51% #
23:17 @giasrose It's a hashtag...helps things be searchable on twitter. #
23:20 Ugh ugh ugh. It's SO close. COME ON MAINE! #VoteNoOn1 #
23:24 #VoteNoOn1 59% of precincts reporting....52% Yes #
23:25 RT @giasrose: is #spoonie about the spoon analogy of fms?<<<Yes #
23:29 @Liasis You too! Night! #
23:29 I really hope that by the end of the night I can say that I'm proud to be from Maine. #VoteNoOn1 #
23:31 @Liasis Xoxo Night! #
23:38 @Fibenymphs_Blog Are you asking about Maine's Question 1? #
23:38 @giasrose You're welcome. #
23:39 #VoteNoOn1 With 66% of precincts reporting....YES is currently ahead at 51.75% #
23:40 RT @tinyvamp: People in Maine that voted Yes on 1: feel free to unfollow me, take your hand off of the mouse, and shove it up your ass. #
23:40 @tinyvamp Btw, I'm from Maine and I DID #VoteNoOn1! #
23:42 @Fibenymphs_Blog Thanks! It's currently 51.75% YES and 48.75% NO. I personally did #VoteNoOn1 #
23:43 Right now I'm not so proud to be from Maine. I hope that changes by the end of this. #VoteNoOn1 #
23:48 With 69% reporting....Yes is ahead at 51.79%. Still too close to tell.....#VoteNoOn1 #
23:49 @perpetualspiral Thanks hun! I think we are all (who are sensible) are doing that at this point! #
23:50 @perpetualspiral No. The voting ended at 8pm...we're just waiting for the counts. And they're done, well, when they're done. #
23:55 @Fibenymphs_Blog I KNOW! I really hope I can say I'm proud to be from Maine by the end of this night. #VoteNoOn1 #
23:57 With 73% of precincts reporting...Yes is in the lead with 51.86%....COME ON MAINE! #VoteNoOn1 #
23:57 RT @BethMerrifield: come on people! get with it! #
23:57 @perpetualspiral Hahaha it's going faster now...so we'll see soon I bet. And ok, I will! Night! *hugs* #
23:58 @BethMerrifield No Tabor was shot down. #
00:00 @greytfriend I'm not sure if I WANT to do that, lol...but just in case, how do you? #
00:04 This is really not looking so good....#VoteNoOn1 #
00:06 RT: @topfermented Come on, Maine. Make me proud to be a Mainer and turn this thing around. #VoteNoOn1 #
00:07 @Rhian73 Me either. I can't even imagine what they are/were thinking. #
00:10 @Rhian73 The more I see the numbers come in the more sick I become and the less I feel proud to be from here. #
00:12 With 77% of precincts reporting....52.22% Yes. This is not looking so good Maine. I'm disappointed. #VoteNoOn1 #
00:17 Can someone please tell me what is so wrong with same-sex marriage? I don't get it. #VoteNoOn1 #
00:21 @mergyeugnau It's not looking so good. I don't know if I've ever been this ashamed to be from Maine. #
00:22 @greytfriend Ok, thanks :) #
00:23 RT: @furacaochelsea As a straight person in Maine, I want to apologize on behalf of others of my orientation. #VoteNoOn1 #
00:25 @jennifermf It's not official. But it's looking that way. #
00:28 @mergyeugnau I hope Maine comes through at least one way or another, I really do. #
00:28 @giasrose I hear ya. Me too. #
00:28 RT @WCSH6: No on 1 campaign manager Jesse Connolly addresses supporters. He says he will not concede the race and is...bit.ly/4vDMXb #
00:28 @jennifermf I'm still pretty ashamed to be from Maine at the moment. Hoping it'll turn around but not holding my breath. #
00:32 @catgal2005 I know. :( #
00:34 With 83% of precincts reported...yes is still in the lead with 52.38%. Maine's biggest city has not been counted yet. #VoteNoOn1 #
00:36 @jennifermf I was born and raised here. Never lived anywhere else. #
00:39 Marc Mutty can shut up anytime now! #VoteNoOn1 #
00:44 I'm beyond ashamed to be from Maine right now. #VoteNoOn1 #
00:44 @jennifermf I can certainly understand that. #
00:47 @Rhian73 I know. It's horrible. I really don't think Maine is gonna pull through all at all. #
00:48 @giasrose Sure. As long as its not like junk junk. You know. #
00:57 RT @portland_maine: Same-sex marriage repealed: I'm very sorry. Personally, professionally, everything. This is..... bit.ly/3AOhje #
00:59 I'm very ashamed to be from Maine tonight. Please everyone, do know, that there are some of us here who DID #VoteNoOn1. #
01:00 And that those of you who did #VoteNoOn1 apologize for the rest of our state. #
01:01 I worded that wrong...I mean, those of US who did #VoteNoOn1 apologize for the rest of our state. #

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Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:23:54 GMT

Well, I don't really know where to start here, but I guess I'm gonna start with Saturday. By Saturday, I was mostly recovered from the flu, but I was having horrible horrible pains in my legs, and it was more like nerve pain, completely with burning, tingling, etc. It was really bad and I didn't know what to do about it. I dealt with it on Saturday, but mainly because I just hoped it would go away because I didn't want to go the ER, because they usually just dismiss everything as fibro anyways.

But on Sunday, I woke up and it was even worse, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I ended up in the ER anyways. The doctor said it did seem like nerve pain but he didn't know what to do for it since I was already on Lyrica. I basically told him that obviously the Lyrica wasn't working right and there had to be SOMETHING he could do. So then reluctantly (I say this because thats how he sounded) prescribed Neurontin. I went to Rite Aid to get it filled, and made sure I double checked with the pharmacist to make sure I could take both Lyrica and Neurontin at the same time, and it all checked out ok. So I started taking it that night, and woah what a difference! The pain got much better along with the other symptoms, and it even helped me sleep!

So on Tuesday, (Remember, Monday was a holiday) I called my neurologist's office to tell him about all that had happened. He didn't think it was necessary for me to be on both medications, and since he apparently likes Lyrica better, he decided to just up that. I wasn't very happy with that decision since the Neurontin seemed to be helping more, so I called yet again, and he finally agreed.

Tuesday night, I stop taking Lyrica and took Neurontin instead. Wednesday I slept most of the day, but don't really think much of it because that happens sometimes with my fibro flares. However, when I did end up being awake that evening, I was horribly depressed/anxious and wasn't even really sure why. And it was really bad, like including crying fits. And then I was like that on Thursday most of the day too. WTF?

Same with today. But today Dan and I realized that it must be the stopping of the Lyrica, and then it's like a withdrawal or something of some sort. I don't know. But its really bad, and tonight I just decided I couldn't take it anymore and took a Lyrica to see if the theory was correct. It was. I feel much better now, still upset about the same things as I was, but I'm not a wreck at all. Not sure what I am going to do about this for the rest of the weekend, but I know for a fact that I am calling my doctor next week to see what can be done.

Well, there's the update on my life. Hope all is well <3

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:23:16 GMT

Yet again, I am not feeling life lately, but this time its because I have managed to come down with the flu. And trust me, the flu plus fibro is absolutely horrible and really just makes you wanna curl up in a ball and die. Or maybe that last part is just me. Who knows?

But anyway, I am currently on day 5 of this horrible thing and I def don't feel any better at all. And this is the weirdest flu I've ever had.The symptoms change, come and go, etc. In my memory, I've never had something like that. But I've had all the worst symptoms. Fever, headache, congestion, coughing, sore throat, dizziness, weakness, pain, stomachache, etc. You name it and I've prolly had it. And I'm pretty sure its making my fibro act up more too.

I'm pumping in the antioxidants, the vitamin c, other supplements, and fluids but nothing seems to help. I have not felt any better from day to day, and during some parts of the day I feel worse. Like I said, its a weird strain I have here.

To make matters worse, Dan is sick too, and we both have the hardest time getting things done. And I've had to take time off work, which absolutely sucks because we need the money. I'm supposed to go back tomorrow, and I think I'm going to even if I'm at death's door. We need the money that badly.

Ok I'm off. Sorry for the complaining. And sorry for any typos, I did this via my blackberry.

<3

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:22:31 GMT

Ok. So here is an update on I've been feeling and such lately.

The Savella has been interesting. When I first went up to full dose, I had weird side effects, and what I called a "shifty" feeling. It was a really horrible day. But it got better and started to go away, so I felt better and continued the dose.

I feel like the Savella is helping with the pain. I really do. It was rainy here the past couple of days and even that didn't make immense pain like it usually does. It could be a coincedence, but I really don't think it is. And even on normal days, I don't feel as much pain. I am still sore, but not really in pain as much, if that makes any sense.

The problem I have found with stopping the Cymbalta to switch to Savella though has been my emotions. I'm like a rollercoaster. Not an extreme one though. But sometimes I just seem to get really anxious or whatever, and up freaking out/crying. I've always had anxiety though, and I think the Cymbalta was helping it. The Buspar I'm on doesn't seem to do much of anything for my anxiety anymore. But I don't like these random crying "fits," they aren't like me at all.

So there's the update on how I've been feeling and such. Have a doctor appointment tomorrow. Dr. Winn wants to check my fibro tender points and see if the Savella is helping, and he is gonna give me some free samples of it to save me money. I'm so glad he's so good with giving me samples!

That's it for now...hope everyone is doing well! <3

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:05:09 GMT

I'm so bad at updating this blog lately. I'm just so exhausted and don't ever seem to have the time or energy to do it. But it's been long enough now, so here it goes.

I got a job. I'm now a Sales Associate at Toys R Us. As far as that type of job goes, it's pretty cool, and I absolutely love the people I work with. Everyone is good friends and talks and jokes and whatnot. Makes the work environment much better, especially compared to my last job at East Coast Marketing. The only downside though is that it is EXHAUSTING me. I feel dead after every shift, and usually end up feeling sick during work. I get so tired. And tonight, my pain has been extreme. But there really isn't much I can do about it. We need the money, so I have to endure.

My doctor has put me on Savella, which I'm hoping will make some kind of difference. So far I'm not on the normal dosage yet, I'm still on the increasing dosages. Or however you word that. I haven't noticed too much change yet, though I haven't felt any negative side effects either, so that's a plus. I just hope it really does make some sort of positive difference, because honestly, I'm going crazy.

I'm also really upset that my facebook group hasn't taken off like I had hoped for it too. Don't get me wrong, many people have joined, but donations are at a minimum. I know times are hard, but I'm just so frustrated. I really really really want/need this treatment, and I just have no way of getting it. I'm not mad at anyone, just at the situation. I don't feel like its fair that I can't get the treatment that I need in order to live my life.

Well, that's it for now. Just a short update.

<3 you all!

Complaining

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 17:01:35 GMT

Ok, so this post needs to be done, because I can't stop complaining lately it seems, so maybe if I get it out on here, it will help me shut up about it! lol.

But seriously, I just haven't been feeling life lately. I feel so crappy most of the time, whether its extreme fatigue, extreme pain, or both. I feel like my body and my life is not my own anymore. It's like it has been taken over by some horrible creature or something. I have so many ambitions for things I want to do, and then never ever seem to have the energy to complete them. Sometimes even simple things like getting out of bed is too much for me. What kind of life is this? Seriously, what did I do to deserve such a horrible thing happening to me?

I'm not one who wants people to feel sorry for me, or to pity me, I'm really not. But sometimes I just wish people would understand. People just don't understand what its like. And so many people think that its just all in our heads. I WISH! I wish it was something all in my head so that I could just go to a psychiatrist, get counseling and medication, and then it would all be gone! That's so much better then knowing you have to live with this for the rest of your life.

And while I'm on that topic, isn't that just a cheery thought? I have no real hope for this to get better or to go away. I try to remain hope that they will find a cure or just an effect treatment in my lifetime, but really, what if they don't? I have to live like this the rest of my life? How is that even living? I know I sure don't feel like I'm living most of the time.

I want help, and I need help. I need to go see specialists. Too bad that the closest one to me is forever away and not covered by insurance. No way in this world I can afford that. So oh well. I'm just stuck. Stuck living a life that I don't want. Honestly, all I really want is my life back, is that really too much to ask?

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:02:41 GMT

Ok, so I suppose its time for a new update, since it's been awhile.

Last week was pretty much same 'ol same 'ol. I ended up going to First Care at Maine Med for my knee on Wednesday night. They took x-rays and such and couldn't find anything. The doctor then did an exam, and he said that he thought I had bruised the bone. They wrapped it in an ace bandage, told me it would be 2-3 days til it felt better, and then sent me on my way. Oh man was I in pain.

We got notice from Dan's insurance company that his car was totalled. Not good news at all. So on Thursday we went up to Richmond to get everything out of it, which was actually alot of stuff. I didn't even realize we had that much stuff in his car! And man was that painful on my knee doing all of that work. But Dan was good as usual and didn't make me do more then I felt I could handle. Unfortunately, what I "thought I could handle" was more then what I really could.

We then went to South China for a couple of days since we were right there anyways. We stayed until Saturday and then came back to Portland. During which, my knee was still killing me, and the ace bandage wasn't helping any....in fact I feel like it was making it worse because it was cutting into the skin. (And I didn't even have it that tight!)

This morning I woke up and my knee hurt even WORSE. And it had been 4 days. I knew something wasn't right, so I decided to go back and see another doctor, because I just wasn't ok. So we went to Mercy's FirstCare and saw a doctor. She said the other doctor WAS right, that is a bruised bone, but that it def wouldn't heal within 2-3 days. She said it may be a few weeks. She then gave me a knee immobilizer to use and crutches to use in extreme circumstances. I'm glad that it was nothing serious, and that this doctor had a clue. But man oh man, the pain is so extreme and I don't have anything for it. It's worse then my fibro pain I think. But then again it's hard to tell, because it is probably both acting up.

Sooo on Wednesday I have a doctor appointment. After talking to some people, I have decided that I am SO going to put my foot down and demand a referral to a pain specialist. I don't care that he thinks I don't need to see one. I have been in so much pain for so long now, and none of the fibro meds seem to be helping, so I NEED to do something. And as much as I would hate to do so, if he doesn't oblige I will start looking for another doctor, although like I said, I would hate it if it came down to that.

Well, I guess thats it for now. I hope everyone is doing well! <3

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:00:09 GMT

So let's see, what is new in my life?

Well, the heat nearly killed me. I felt so sick, and I passed out numerous times. Luckily, it rained this weekend and that cooled me down some. One night, Dan and I went for a walk in the rain in the park. It was amazing, and it made me feel so much better.

I went to the neurologist on Monday, and that wasn't a huge help. But seriously, why am I surprised? He did up my Lyrica though...I'm now on 225mg twice a day. I wonder if it will help? I feel like nothing ever does. I've been in so much pain lately and so tired. My knee has still been bothering me. I fell on it like 2 weeks ago, and it still bothers me alot. I don't know if I actually did some sort of damage or not, but it def feels like it.

Umm. Mike and Shawn came to visit today, and that was nice. Our friendships have been strained numerous times, but its still there, and thats always a good thing. I really do miss them on occasion, so it was really nice to see them and catch up and everything. And reminscing about old times. As much as I love the present, sometimes I really do miss the past. Sometimes I really wish I could go back. But I do love the present. Ah. It's hard to explain.

I am going to take some classes at SMCC this semester. I am taking some online classes because attendance is really hurting my grades, and with online classes I can do my work even if I am sick in bed. So I think its a good plan. Because I really don't want to give up school, no matter how hard it really is most of the time.

Ok, thats it for now. <3

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:55:38 GMT

Thursday was an ok day. I went to that job interview, and I think it went pretty well, but I still don't feel very confident about it. I didn't realize it from the ad, but its a really high-end luxury store. And I just think it wouldn't be a good fit for me, nor am I sure I could deal with such a stuffy environment. Idk, we'll wait and see if I actually get a position and worry about it then. In the meantime, I'm applying for more jobs.

Other then that, Thursday was a pretty quiet day, which was actually quite nice.

This morning I got up and went to my Reiki session. It was amazing as always. I can't get over how much better it always makes me feel, and Leslie herself is just amazing as well. She's so helpful and so great to talk to. After that, Dan and I started packing for our weekend in South China.

We got on the road and things were going fine. We were a bit over halfway there when things changed. We were just driving along on the highway and there was a car fully stopped ahead of us. No matter how hard we tried, we just could not stop in time. The brakes were slammed on but it still just wasn't enough. We hit the car in front of us which happened to be a big pickup truck. Luckily by then, we were not going TOO fast. The impact was still strong though, but luckily we weren't hurt.

To make a long story short, the towing guy took us to the garage too, and my mom came to pick us up and brought us back to South China. So now we are here, trying to make the best out of what's left of our weekend away, and trying to relax a bit before we have to deal with everything on Monday.

Well, I'm off, I'm beyond exhausted! Maybe I will actually get some sleep tonight?!

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:50:40 GMT

So I ended my last post Monday evening. Things were going good at that point, until later on that evening. It got really hot and humid, and it made me incredibly sick. I hate having such bad heat sensitivity. It was alright for a while because Dan got me an extra box fan in addition to the ceiling fan we have in the bedroom. But then I had to get up and go in the other room for something. On my way back, the heat really got to me and I passed out. I hit my head when I went down. When I woke up, I had a wicked headache, and was dizzy for a few minutes. I was nauseous as well. But I felt better within a few mins so things were ok.

On Tuesday, I went to the chiropractor again, which was a miracle because my neck was really messed up, I'm assuming from the fall, but I'm not really sure at all. But yet again, it helped tremendously and I'm glad I went. Tuesday night Dan's parents came up for a visit. They came over and saw our new apartment, they seem to really like it. They then took us out to dinner. I had chicken alfredo, and it was really good as usual. I'm such an alfredo person.

I didn't get sleep last night. Or if I did, it surely wasn't enough. I have been so exhausted all day. Today I cut up my credit cards after making payment arrangements and such. This is the beginning of my trying to get out from under my debt. I'm working with Credit Solutions. Hopefully this will work out. I'm still really stressed out about the whole financial situation though. I have so many bills that I just can't afford right now. And its so hard to keep up with everything. And of course, for those of you with fibro, you know how stress makes everything worse. Oh man.

Ok, well Dan and I are watching a movie, so I'm off to enjoy that. Later. :)

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 05:02:30 GMT

Please click on the ads on my blog! DON'T BUY ANYTHING! But just click on them....it pays me money, and I'm seriously not kidding. Nor is this spam. Please do it, and please return and do it again, the ads change. And follow the blog too, I will seriously update it with quotes! Thanks everyone, you all are the best!

http://sarahbear07.blogspot.com

Letter #1

Fri, 22 May 2009 03:24:44 GMT

Dear Gregg,

I admit it, I did cry after I dropped you back off at the hotel Tuesday night. I guess I didn't think I was going to because I already barely ever see you and hadn't in almost a year. But this was different, as much as I didn't think it would be. But you are so much farther away now, and will be even farther. Plus, like you said, it will be like you disappeared. And I don't like that. Not at all. I never have wanted you out of my life, and now it seems like its happening when I really don't want it to. I know alot has happened between us, but I still consider you a good friend, we have been through too much together for that not to be the case. And I still love you, just in a different way now, as friends. (I'll leave the other kind of love to Jess!) And you know me, of course I am worried too. I can't even imagine all that you are going through and are going to. And of course everything else there is to worry about.

Ok, I know what you are thinking, enough of that kind of stuff lol. Let's see...whats new here? Well I had an interview for a job yesterday, and I got one of the positions. It's a bit of a sketchy place though, so I don't know how it's going to work out, but hey I need some money, so for now I guess it'll work. Dan and Mike are getting ready for their show on Sunday, and thats wicked exciting! Mike is still working on trying to get me in to see the show, and I so hope it will work out! I don't want to miss their first show, that's for sure. Poor Mel has to work though, I feel so bad for her. What else? I have to get my wisdom teeth out and I'm not excited. I don't do well at the dentist and I'm scared to death of surgery even though this is like the smallest thing. But you know me, anxiety IS my middle name.

I guess that's all thats really new for now, since I just saw/talked to you on Tuesday night. But I didn't want to wait til I had a bunch of news to write you, because that could take forever. I hope you're doing well and adjusting as well as you can be. Take care Gregg, I'm thinking of you.

Love always,
Sarah

30 Random Things

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 08:11:02 GMT

1.) Family has become more important to me as I have grown older. Sure, there are ups and downs in any family, but they are the ones that are always there. Whether it be immediate or distant family, you know there are always people who care about you.

2.) I never expected my life to be where it is right now. I never excepted to be engaged and living in an apartment with my fiance by my sophomore year of college. But honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world. This may sound cliche, but what Dan and I have is special. And I don't know where I would be right now without it.

3.) My friends also mean the world to me. I have learned over the past few months who my true friends are, and I cherish them more then anything. I may not talk to you all the time, or see you that often, but you all still mean the world to me, and without you all I would be nothing.

4.) I am such an animal lover. I always knew I loved animals, but I realized it even more when we took in a stay cat that I just couldn't part with. We now have two cats. A kitten named Adie and about a 2 year old named Mr Wallace. I'm so glad to have animals now, my life was so incomplete without them when I lived in the dorms.

5.) I have severe anxiety. I tend to freak out way too easily. Yes, I do realize it, believe it or not. And I'm trying my best to control it...I just wish it was as easy as it may sound. But I am getting help for myself, and I feel like that's the best I can do right now. Hopefully, it will improve.

6.) While we are on the subject of health, I also have fibromyalgia. It affects my life more then it should, and I am working every day on trying to manage it better and live my life the absolute best way I can with it. While it definitely limits me from some things, I am learning to try and not let it control me or my life. I have my good days and bad days, but after all, don't we all?

7.) I love music. Music runs my life, what can I say? If you ask me what kind of music I like though, I wouldn't know how to answer you. I don't like specific genres, artists, etc. I always judge by the individual song. I don't care how it "rates" or where it falls in categories. If I like the song, I like it because of what it is.

8.) I never used to care what was going on in the world, unless it affected me directly. I've recently gotten much better with that, and actually read the news on occasion, and even voted this past year. I am finally starting to realize the importance of being involved in the world I live in.

9.) I'm a big believer in helping with causes. There are many wonderful causes out there that need alot of help. I will always try to help in any way that I can, even if it's not monetary. Every bit of help makes a difference, and I like knowing that I am doing at least SOMETHING.

10.) Speaking of which, I love to give blood and get sad whenever I am rejected due to pulse or blood pressure or whatever. I feel like that is something I can truly to give back, and I know people who have needed it before, so it makes it even more personal for me.

11.) As much as I care about people, I am really bad at keeping in touch. I have no idea why. It's not like I don't want to talk to these people, its just that I'm horrible at it. Call me. Text me. Write on my facebook wall, I promise I will answer. But for some reason I'm SO bad at initiating it.

12.) And not only do I care about people, I always want to help. Some people say I care too much, but I just always feel this need to help people and help them make things be ok. That being said, if you ever need anyone, I promise I'm always here.

13.) I really want to travel the world someday. I wish I could go everywhere. I don't know if that will ever happen or not, but it's what I want. So far I've only make it to Canada and Mexico, but that's a start, right?

14.) I'm a people person. I love to talk, and have heard that I'm a good listener as well. I love learning about people and just having meaningful or even duller conversations with them. I find other people so fascinating.

15.) I can speak a bit of Spanish, as I took it for 2 1/2 years in High School and went to Mexico for 2 weeks and lived with a host family there. I want to take more Spanish here in college so I can learn to speak it at least somewhat fluently.

16.) I like to be comfortable. I will dress up if its for fun or if it is required for some reason, but otherwise I just like hanging out and being comfortable. My sweatpants/pajamas from AE and VS are the best and I would wear them forever if I could.

17. I love pictures. Taking them, being in them, looking at them, etc. I believe pictures are a wonderful way to capture moments and have them live on. Things change, people change, but the pictures are always there.

18. I can't sing worth anything, although apparently its not quite as bad as I thought. But anyways, just because I can't do it, it doesn't mean I won't on some occasions. I have to be pretty comfortable with who I'm with first though.

19. I can't make chocolate chip cookies for the life of me. Can you guess why? Simple. Because I'm a HUGE fan of chocolate chip cookie dough and usually get distracted because I'm eating the dough.

20. Speaking of which, I love chocolate. Call me crazy, but chocolate just has this way of making everything better. That and ice cream. Chocolate ice cream is amazing, and a chocolate milkshake just rules all together.

21. Facebook is seriously my addiction. I need to check it like wayyy too often. It's almost unhealthy. But I'm not TOO bad I suppose, because I can pry myself away from it when I need to.

22. I hate drama, which is ironic in a way because I used to be right in the middle of some serious drama. But I'm done. I'm so over it. Life is too short to deal with that all the time.

23. I love quotes and could even say I'm addicted to them too. I love trying to find ones that fit my life, or ones that I want to try to live by, or ones that are just funny and make my day better. I also love the bumper stickers application on facebook for that very reason.

24. I'm a psychology major and I love my psych classes. I can't wait to actually get deeper into it, and what I really can't wait for is working with people. My goal with my career is to help as many people as I possibly can. And I feel like it will work out. Hopefully.

25. I've never been a huge fan of school, except for maybe when I was younger. I'm just doing my best to try to get through it, so I can do what I really want to do with my life. I realize I need the education, I just wish there was some easier way to do it.

26. I have never actually dyed my hair. Yes the red is natural. I have gotten it highlighted several times though, and do keep planning on continuing that at least periodically throughout my life. Nothing wrong with a bit unnatural, right?

27. I have two piercings in each ear and my cartilage pierced in each ear as well. I got my cartilages done when I was going through a rough time...but I love them now and plan on keeping them. I also think I'm gonna stop there. I think that's enough for me.

28. I think that going on random trips to Denny's at like 3am is one of the funnest things ever to do. I can't even begin to describe it, it's just so interesting and entertaining. And the other night, it was that entertaining around 1am too....

29. I love living in Portland. I'm not smack in the middle of it, so its nice, and its such an improvement from Downeast Maine. Don't get me wrong, I do love where I'm from, but there is so much more to do down here and its just easier to get to things in general.

30. Life sure is an interesting journey, but I'm starting to enjoy it more and more every day.

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 08:05:43 GMT

Wow, I just realized that I haven't written a real note on here since July. That last note that I wrote was called, "Learning to breathe with no air" and was written after Gregg and I broke up, which was truly a hard time for me. It was a messy break-up in alot of ways, which made it all harder. More shit went down in August, but I won't bother mentioning it here, because most people already know what happened, and those who don't, well, they don't need to.

And as for Gregg and Jess, you two are both amazing people, and I hope things work out for you both. Gregg, I'll always care about you and love you, but its in a different way now, just as a friend. And I want you both to know that thats all it is. I really do wish the best for you both, and hope that you will be happy together.

Anyways, unfortunately alot of shit and drama went down with my group of friends, and its sad to say that things have changed immensely with us. I'm not pointing fingers either way here, but I will say that I am sorry for any part of it that was my fault, and I do still care about you all and hope things are going well for you. Sometimes, change, however hard, is for the best.

I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which I struggle with everyday. It makes me feel sick and tired more often, plus some days there is alot of pain. I am, however, doing my best to live my life the best that I possibly can, and think thats all I really can do.

I've recently learned who my true friends are, and I thank each and every one of you for being there for me through everything. You all are the best and I don't know what I would do without you. I'm so incredibly thankful for all of you.

I'm excited for this new year. I'm engaged to the one I love, and we have our own apartment. We are working on building our lives together, and I'm so excited for it.

My life isn't perfect, but it's getting better. :)

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 05:02:17 GMT

Well, here it is. Valentine's Day. What was supposed to be a special day for us, especially as it was supposed to be our 3 month anniversary. Do you remember when we first figured that out and how cute it was? Do you remember when we argued over the fact that you had basketball that night, but how we made up like we always did? Do you remember how we hung up the phone that night, by saying "I love you and I'm in love with you?" Do you remember how you felt at the time? Do you remember when we gazed into each other's eyes and felt the love between us? Do you remember holding hands as we walked across campus? Do you remember all of our silly little arguments and how we always made up all the same? I remember all of this, and it pains me.

It's been almost 3 weeks since we broke up, and yet I'm still not over you. I loved you with all of my heart, and as much as I don't want to sometimes, I still love you now. And it kills me to know that you no longer love me. I can't help but reminisce about all of our time together, all of our phone calls, and just the happiness I felt because I was with you. I think about all the things we said to each other, all the hugs, all the kisses, the cuddling, and just time being together. Where did that all go? How can it just be lost? I don't think I will ever really understand.

I never expected you to break my heart. I expected us being together for quite some time, and you had said you did too. What happened to that? Where did it all go? I know things change, but I never expected it to change this drastically. There are times when I don't even accept that its over. I still cry because I miss you so much. There are times when I think I have moved on, at least a little, but then someone says something, or I see something, and it reminds me of you, and I get sad again.

There is so much going on my life, and I need you more then ever. You say we can still be friends, and that you'll still be there for me, and as much as I want that, and appreciate it, its hard for me. So many times I have went to im you and just couldn't do it. It hurts to talk to you, it's like a tease of what I once had. My nights are empty and lonely without talking to you before I go to bed. My world used to stop because you were going to call me, and now, I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like such a huge part of my life is missing, and I don't know what to do about it. I try to keep myself busy, and it works sometimes, but when I'm laying in bed at night, all I think about is you.

I know you wouldn't want me to be hanging on as much as I am, and I'm trying not to, I really am. It's just so much harder then I ever thought it would be. It's my hardest break-up yet. I have never had it hurt this much before. I felt more with you then I ever have before, and losing that, has literally broken my heart. I have to keep telling myself that it really is over, and I have to keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do about it, even though I would do anything to change that fact. I will be ok, it just takes time. I will make it through, and I know that, even though sometimes it really doesn't feel like it. I just truly hope that one day I will be held and loved and love like I did/was with you.

This Valentine's Day, my present to you is this: I will try even harder to move on, and stop dwelling. I will try my best to talk to you as a friend and nothing else. And most of all, I will try to stop being so hard on you about this. I love you, and I always will, just maybe someday I'll love you in a different way.

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 23:38:57 GMT

Ahh I must continue my last note. So much has happened since then. I'm gonna start from where I left off though, just to be complete.

So I went to Joanne's funeral that Thursday. It was even harder then I had imagined. I was actually doing ok until I saw Emmy and gave her a hug. She's so young, she doesn't understand, all she knows is that her grandmother is gone. It nearly broke my heart, it really did. And seeing Les too, it was all just incredibly hard.

To make matters even worse, when my mom came to pick me up for that funeral, she told me she had some news for me. The look on her face told me that it wasn't good news. She then proceded to tell me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was in shock. I didn't know what to say or what to think. I was scared, and honestly didn't know how to react. Luckily, it is only stage 1, and the prognosis is good, but its still really scary.

I was kinda in a daze for a bit after that. Everything was just going wrong in my life and I didn't know what to do about it. So much had happened, and so much was happening, that I just felt lost, confused, and sorta depressed. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, I was just going through the motions of everyday stuff.

It had always been tradition to go to UNE for people's birthdays and such, but due to alot of different circumstances, I didn't make it there for Gregg's birthday. I felt really bad about it, and then proceded to im him and apologize and talk to him and such. We started talking alot, as in like for hours a night. He always had this incredible way of making me feel better, and just making things better in general. That following Monday, I decided to go to UNE for the first time since Chris and I broke up. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I was over Chris, and that I could deal with/get past the awkwardness. Not to mention the fact that I did want to see Gregg. It was incredibly awkward at first, but things did get alot better. I spent time with Gregg, and it was great.

When I got back to USM that night, we talked online for quite some time, we confessed that we liked each other. Two days later, we officially became a couple. I was (and still am) incredibly happy. He has shown me what it is really like to be in a relationship, and he truly loves me and cares about me, just as I truly love and care about him. He has made everything feel so much better, and has made even the horrible things easier to deal with. The time we have together is truly the best time ever. Whenever I am in his arms, I feel like things are perfect and that everything is just going to be ok. It's such an amazing feeling, it really is.

As for other things going on, today is kinda a hard day for me. It's Cyndy's birthday. And I miss her more then anything in this world. I keep feeling like she's still here. I keep feeling like I should be calling her to wish her a happy birthday, to see how she's feeling, etc. Would you believe that she is still in my contacts on my cell phone? Everytime I go to delete it out of there, I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel like so much crap wouldn't have gone on if she was still here. I wouldn't have screwed myself over so badly this summer. She would have been there to help me out and figure things out. And I just feel like that with everything that has happened the last few months, I could use her support, help, and guidance so much. I miss her like you wouldn't believe.

This weekend, I am going home. They are doing a benefit dinner and chinese raffle for my mom on Saturday. This is great, honestly we could use the money for all of these hospital bills and such. But in alot of ways, I'm not looking forward to this either. I know its going to be emotional and going to wear me out completely. It makes it something that I really truly have to deal with. And I just don't know how I'm supposed to do that. Everyone and everything about it is going to be emotional, and I just don't know how to deal with it. And honestly, I kinda don't want to. But at the same time, I know I need to be home for this. I know it.

So its getting to be the end of the semester. That's kinda stressful in alot of ways. Finals. Oh man, I haven't taken them since my sophomore year of High School. And of course, you all know me, I'm stressing about grades. But no duh, right?

But still, on the plus side of life, I have an amazing guy now. Gregg is always there for me, and is always such a help to me. I hate that we can't be together as much as we want, and I hate that other people cause so much drama about us being together, but still, we're happy and that's all that matters. We can overcome the obstacles. I can honestly say that I don't know what I would do without him. He's amazing and I truly do love him.

My Life As Of Lately (as copied from facebook)

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 07:01:37 GMT

Ok, so I haven't really said much about all this stuff lately...because I felt like it wouldn't be fair to all the people involved and such, and because I really don't want to come across as a bitch. But I've recently decided, as of tonight really, that it doesn't matter. It's my life, it's my facebook, I can say what I want. Especially if its the truth, which it is.

So I started going to UNE with Mike. It was awesome, I met alot of cool people and made some new friends. I always enjoyed going over there, and actually spent quite alot of time there. It was alot of fun.

So I went home over Columbus Day Weekend, for the first time since I came to school. Going home was very hard for me, for numerous reasons. During this time, Chris and I started talking alot, like 6 hours a night. It was amazing. He was the best support system I could ever ask for, and I honestly don't think I would have gotten through that weekend without him. I really really don't. And somewhere in all of this, we became more then just friends.

I got back to USM on a Wednesday, and he came to visit me that night. While here, he officially asked me out, and we became a couple. I was happier then I thought I could ever be. We had this amazing connection, and I felt so incredibly lucky. We talked so much, about anything and everything. I felt like I could truly trust him, and that we could talk about anything, and honestly, we did. We talked about so much more then I usually talk about with people. It was truly amazing. He promised me that he would never hurt me, that he would always be there for me, and he would help me through my "issues." And although I can sometimes have a problem with trust, I let myself trust him, because he promised me I could.

So things went well for a while. I was so incredibly happy. I felt like it was truly the beginning of better things for me. I felt, for once, that things were really going to be ok. And he told me that they were, and like I had been doing, I believed him. That Sunday night, we went out to the movies. We had a really good time, and I absolutely loved being with him. I felt better then I had in a long time. He brought me back to USM and we hung out with Mel and Mike for awhile. He then left because he was tired. Which don't get me wrong, I did understand. He got back and texted me and said that he wasnt getting online because people were sleeping. And idk why, but he seemed off to me, and like he was short in his text and it was weird. So I asked if everything was ok. He said it was, but idk I wasn't convinced. I texted him later and said that if I did anything wrong I was sorry. He never answered me that night or the next morning, so I tried talking to him that afternoon. After we talked, I thought things were actually ok. Maybe not perfect, but at least ok.

I couldn't have been more wrong. He came over that night to bring Christina to get her computer from Mike. And he was acting all weird and such. We hung out for a bit, but it just wasn't like usual. When he got back to UNE, we talked online, and he proceeded to tell me that he doesn't like it when people think there is something wrong and there isn't, and that he didnt think we had the connection he thought we had. To be honest with you, this nearly killed me. I couldn't understand how one mistake could change so much. It just didn't make sense to me at all. I tried to explain to him what happened and why I felt that way and how sorry I was and how I would try to be better, etc. But it didn't work. He told me though that he wasn't breaking any of his promises, that he wasn't going anywhere, and that he would still help me. I didn't know whether to believe him or not, since I felt like he had already broken promises, but I decided to give it a try. I was wicked upset though, like beyond the point of upset. I left my room, and went down to the lounge where I completely lost it. As I was walking back to my room, my RA, Michol, saw me and asked me if I was ok. At that point, I lost it all over again. To say it wasn't a good night, would be a complete understatement.

The next day, I was still pretty much a wreck. I didn't go to class, and pretty much stayed in bed. Ann came to visit me, as she was having some issues of her own. We decided to go out to dinner, as it was something we both needed. While we were at dinner, my dad called me. Joanne, who I had become wicked close to since the accident, had died. She was like another grandmother to me. It was so upsetting to me to learn of this. I was pretty much in denial too, like I didn't even WANT to believe it. But I knew I had to.

On Wednesday night, Chris and I talked for the first time since the breakup. We both talked about how we felt, and I could see how much it differed. I didn't even know what to think, and actually I still don't. All I want is his friendship back, which he said we would have, but it hasnt happened yet.

I went to Rumford with Ann over the weekend. It was really good for me to get away and such. I won't say it made things perfect, but it def made them better. However, while I was there, I got a phone call that one of my friends' houses had burnt down, and the Happy Crab had had a fire as well. It was actually kinda scary to think about. While I was there, I sent Chris a message telling him that I was over the relationship, but what I really wanted was his friendship back.

So I came back to USM and things just seemed to go downhill once again. I was super stressed about absolutely everything, and just felt like I couldnt handle things. There had been 4 deaths of people I personally knew, and 2 more who I just knew who they were. There had been 2 fires. And of course the whole thing with Chris. Last night I felt like I was going to burst, and went to find Michol. We talked for awhile, and then she got her friend Ryan, who is another RA, to come talk as well. I felt a bit better after that, but still not that great. I came back and sent Chris a message, telling him that he had always been an amazing support, and that I needed that right now, as friends. I told him that if he thought it was too soon, I would respect that, but I just needed to know his opinion. He never answered me.

So today, Michol had me to talk to our RD, Beth. It felt good to talk to her too, and then she referred me to counseling, which I have an appointment for on Friday. Chris came online tonight. I asked him if he got my facebook message and what he thought of it. He said he didnt care one way or another. That kinda shocked me. He said he didnt mean it quite that way, but still. Then I told him that I thought I should leave him alone cuz it seems like that's what he'd rather, and he was just like, ok. I then told him that he was wrong, that he has left, that he isn't still there for me, and that promises had been broken. I then told him to have a good night. He never answered me, just went away. That upset me. All I want right now, is his friendship, and his support, and it seems like I can't even get that. And unfortunately, I need it now more then ever.

To top it all off, I have to go to Joanne's funeral on Thursday, which is something I don't know if I can handle. Its gonna be too hard. To see Les, to see everyone, and just blah. I know I'm gonna lose it. I'm not good with funerals, and I'm just not prepared for another one. I don't think I can handle this. I really don't. And I'm super stressed out with school and such, because things just arent going the way I need them too, and I've been sick and idk. I just feel way overwhelmed with everything, and honestly, I don't know what to do about it.

So yeah, thats been my life lately. Nice, eh?

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 06:55:24 GMT

Screw that.

I hate guys.

And myself.